A place to start

Dear Jane,

The beginning of our online correspondence- such a thing should be noted and celebrated. It eases my mind that the delete button is not far away or hard to find. If a time should come when "lame" is the only word to describe what I have communicated to you, I will click that button with a cheery smile.

My mind is swimming with ideas about life and a new year. I feel like a dragon fly frantically flitting about trying to find a peaceful spot to land. It's exhausting. Land already you stupid fly! I have been mulling over my philosophy of education, the messages I am sending to my children- consciously and unconsciously about who they are, the meaning of "being real" in the context of an intimate relationship, my role in bringing about some healing and growth within extended family, etc.

Meh.

Actually, do you know what is truly exhausting? Being exhausted. I am needing a good nights sleep. Like a 12 hour straight one. Forget personal actualization and growth, I'd like a sweet, sweet nap. I think my mind has been spinning like a, hmm,- a green day cd in my grade 7 player- just to keep me from falling asleep in the playdoh, ya know? In those days, without fail, listening to green day always made me a crank. One day I traded my cd for an old Simon and Garfunkel. I went from listening to "Basketcase" to "I am a Rock". I see that as a sensible move. I call that progression. You know, I have hope for my spinny brain too. I have hope because I have a word. And with that word I will mentally land on this temporarily brown, dead, January leaf and take a breather.

Progression is all well and good but mostly all in good time.
Time.
That's the word that feels right to me.
This year I will give myself time. Time to enjoy my new baby. Time to be patient with a new city, a new house, a new bag o' tricks.
I will give myself time to be.
At least I will try.